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Writer's pictureMark Simmons

Tourists Of The Caribbean. Day 8/9 'No, She Went Of Her Own Accord'

Day 8:

Today we were in Jamaica and initially we hadn’t booked a tour for this stop and thought we'd just have a wander around Montego Bay but after seeing what was there between the airport and ship and how far it was we decided to book something. As it wasn't until the afternoon we were stuck on the ship on a change over day so there was even less to do then normal. The 'Fashion Guru' showed up again this time sat in the buffet. He and his wife were wearing matching outfits in the green, black and gold colours of the Jamaican flag! 'A' 'MA' 'ZING'! Unfortunately I didn't have my camera and hoped an opportunity would arise later but it sadly never did so you'll just have to use your imaginations.


What we booked was a rafting trip down the Martha Brea River. It looked nice and relaxing. It was an afternoon trip and we got on the mini bus at 1pm. Nicky our tour guide decided to have a bit of audience participation and instead of us saying 'Yes' wanted us all to say ‘Yeah Man’ or 'Ya Mon' as it's written in the local dialect. It got worse because she then got us all, in turn, to say our name and where we were from but again in a Jamaican accent. So we had to say ‘Me name Mark. Me come from Devon’. I know it's just a bit of fun. I'm almost certain that after work when Nicky is having a drink with friends she say's "Oh my god you should have heard the f'ing idiots today, they sounded ridiculous". In this scenario she's got a perfect 'BBC English' accent. However the job has totally messed with my head. There's a corner of my brain that's screaming 'For Fuck Sake don't do it, it's probably racist and someone might be recording it!'. I suppose on reflection that's a better reaction than the obvious delight that some of the passengers displayed by using that accent out loud and in a public place. Lyn got away with it best as she somehow managed to put a West Country twang on it.



There was a bar at the start of the rafting place were we got a complimentary soft drink (you could Irish it up at a cost) and also a chap who was just chilling and smoking cannabis. He got ushered away fairly quickly. When Lyn went off to powder her nose I met a new friend, Ivan, who was also by the bar and I think was supposed to be selling tat. Turns out Ivan is my Jamaican twin. We are the same age and our birthdays are a week apart so we had a selfie. He even forgot to try and sell me some tat and when we parted we did a fist bump followed by one of those cool handshakes (well cool if anyone but me is doing it) which has several different elements to it.


We had predicted that our raft would probably be the worst one but to be fair they all looked a bit dodgy. Apparently they last about 6 months. So whilst ours wasn’t the worst it was definitely the slowest. Eddy our ‘captain’ didn’t seem to be in a rush and he did ask us if we wanted to go quicker but we told him to take his time. Despite being one of the first on the river we were overtaken by everyone in our group and most of the people in the following group as well but we were more than happy about that.



It turns out that this was probably one of Lyn's favourite activities. Who knew that someone who's scared of water would be more than happy floating down a river on a few bits of bamboo lashed together. If there'd been a few more animals it would almost have been perfect for her. Captain Eddy was full of information about the local flora with occasional Christmas cracker words of wisdom like only being as young as you feel, etc. He also said I only looked 50 and promised he didn’t say that just to get a tip so of course I believe him.


At the end of the ride and before they actually let you off the raft you get a sales pitch for a carved gourd. We bought one, the largest he had which was $25. He carved our names on it which was a nice touch. It was only afterwards we thought about whether we'd be able to get it through customs and did it count as transporting Flora and Forna. We decided it probably didn't and just shoved it in Lyns suitcase.


Day 9:

The following day we were still in Jamaica but this time around the other side of the island at Port Royal. From our balcony as we came into port we saw a ray swimming in the sea! It's quite a special sight. We hadn't booked a tour for this as a lot of them just seemed to be the same as Montego Bay so we thought we'd just get off and have a look around, do a bit of shopping, maybe a spot of lunch. Just the basics you expect at any cruise stop.


However we got a rude awakening once we got off the boat. Lyn’s review of Port Royal is ‘it’s a hovel’. There is nothing really there. In fact I’m not sure why it exists. As we walked into town, which took about 15 minutes, we noticed people already walking back towards the ship. There was a bloke, sort of dressed as a pirate asking for rum. I'm not sure if that was supposed to be part of the welcome or just what he does everyday. We did see what we assumed are the highlights. Port Royal FC football ground which had bigs lumps on concrete sticking out of it and a goat wandering around in goal. We also saw two dogs sleeping in the shade. It would have been nice if there’d been 3 so it looked like those wall ducks but that sort of disappointment sums up Port Royal.



Some people may argue that it’s authentic Jamaica and they have a point but we've spent a lot of money and we want to see at least some nice/interesting things at a cruise port. This is the worst stop we've ever been to and we've been to Herring Town in the rain. Fortunately Mother Nature intervened. The best bit (for Lyn) was when we were walking along the floating pontoon walkway to the ship and saw a plethora of sea life. It was like a mini aquarium. Despite Lyn having been to aquariums and seeing most of this before, this is better because it’s in the wild.


So what should have been a nice relaxed day turned into yet another boring sea day stuck on the ship. We decided to have tapas for dinner and Lyn discovered that she had a 'food mode' on the camera on her phone. She's had this phone 2 years but all these sea days have meant trying to fill the time usefully. I do like the Tapas on the ship as you don't actually have to pick anything, it's all included so you can, like Noah, just ask for 2 of everything if you wanted.



Lastly we took in a show. I'm pretty sure I mentioned this on our last Marella cruise but by this point we've seen most of them. This one I think was new-ish. Honestly they all start to blur into one for me but it's entertaining for an hour or so. Sometimes it's more interesting watching the crowd. One lady was getting over excited and was stood up trying to do the dance moves with the dancers. Unfortunately I’d again left my phone behind so didn’t capture this. So that was Port Royal, hopefully we'll never cross paths again.

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